So the newsletter, I guess you'd call it, is pretty much just an acount of cheap, alleged parlor tricks every week/month/whatever? That's it? I sign up to believe in something with the credibility of the Transformers' backstory, and all I get out of it is the ability to find my lost car keys and guess peoples' astrological sign? Oh, and a much easier time finding work in Hollywood, I guess...

The Affirmation for October 24, 2005

GOOD BUSINESS PRACTICE?

OT V is amazing tech! It handles anything. There was this big business deal I was doing which had been dragging on for weeks. The person I was dealing with was not particularly causative or uptone and I was getting a little downtone about it. However, on OT V my ability to postulate and to perceive had come way up - much less effort, so I just decided I would take my attention off the deal and that it would happen.

I was sitting in session that afternoon when all of a sudden I thought "Oh! Peter got his funding. The deal will go through," and I went right on with the session. When I came out from the Examiner, I took a little walk to enjoy my wins and then I called him.

"Oh," he said, "I'm so happy you called. I got the funding wired into my account." Not surprised at all, I asked, "When did you get the news?" He said, "My bank called me fifteen minutes ago." Yes, I thought to myself, that is when the message came through loud and clear!

B.D.

Scientology False Factoid of the Day:

It's rumored that on his hit single from the '80s, Billy Joel was actually singing about an uptone girl.

Hell no. Every issue has an inane lecture by L. Ron as well as a bullshit essay that attempts to reconcile some ancient religion and/or myth with the tenets of Scientology. The new issue includes this list of courses that people have to pay to take:

Purification Rundown Procedure
ARC Straightwire Auditing
Scientology Drug Rundown
Happiness Rundown Auditing
Objectives
Grade O Expanded
Grade I Expanded
Grade II Expanded
Grade III Expanded
Grade IV Expanded
New Era Dianetics Case Completion
Grade V Power Processing
Grade VA Power Plus Processing
Grade VI
State of Clear
Sunshine Rundown Auditing
Hubbard Solo Auditor Course Part I
Hubbard Solo Auditor Course Part II
OT Preparations
OT Eligibility
New OT I
OT II
OT III
New OT IV
New OT V Audited NOTs
New OT VI Hubbard Solo NOTs Auditing Course
Solo NOTs Auditor Certainty Course Part I
Solo NOTs Auditor Certainty Course Part II
L 11 New Life Rundown
L 10 Rundown
L 12 FLAG OT Executive Rundown
False Purpose Rundown Auditing
Executive Intensive
Havingness Rundown Auditing
Profession Intensive Auditing
Dynamic Sort-Out Assessment
Vital Information Rundown
Allergy and Asthma Rundown
Method One Word Clearing
Hubbard Dianetics Seminar
How To Use A Dictionary Course (I don't make this shit up)
Grammar and Communication Course
Children's Communication Course
Overcoming Ups and Downs In Life Course
Financial Success Course
Dynamics of Money Course
How To Improve Relationships With Others Course
Success Through Communication Course
Basic Study Manual
Method One Co-Audit Course
Hubbard Key To Life Course
Hubbard Life Orientation Delivery Course
Student Hat Course
Study Certainty Course
New Hubbard Professional TR Course
Hubbard Professional Upper INDOC TR Course
FLAG Professional Metering Course
Scientology Academy Level O
Level O Auditor Certainty Course
Scientology Academy Level I
Level I Auditor Certainty Course
Scientology Academy Level II
Level II Auditor Certainty Course
Scientology Academy Level III
Level III Auditor Certainty Course
Scientology Academy Level IV
Class IV Auditor Internship
Academy Levels 0 - IV Auditor Certainty Course
Academy Level V
Class V Graduate Auditor Course
Class V Graduate Auditor Certainty Course
Class V Graduate Auditor Internship
Saint Hill Special Briefing Course Levels A - P
Class VI Auditor Internship
Class VI Case Supervisor Course
Class VI Case Supervisor Internship
Class VIII Auditor Course
Class VIII Auditor Internship
Class VIII Case Supervisor Course
Class IX Auditor Course
Class IX Auditor Internship
Hubbard Professional Course Supervisor Course
Hubbard Professional Course Supervisor Internship
Hubbard Professional Word Clearer Course
Hubbard Professional Word Clearer Internship
False Purpose Rundown Auditor Course
PTS/SP Course
PTS/SP Specialist Course
Executive Data Series Evaluator Course
Doctorate Course For OTs
Scientology Volunteer Minister Course

Sometimes the material just writes itself, eh Rads?

Sunshine Rundown Auditing????? What the living fuck is that?




I guess I have to pay to find out.

Do you think they cover the appeal of the Trucker Hat in this one?

That one puzzled me too. They don't have a Proofreading Auditor Internship Course, so maybe it's a simple typo.

I dunno, LRH looks quite "Tone 40," wouldn't you say?


send me your money . . . send me your moneeeeey . . . .

The Affirmation for December 28, 2005

No Comm Lag?

Lately I just seem to communicate with people without talking to them.

A few days ago I was thinking that I really had to get in touch with a certain company. I didn't know their name or number or where they were based. I only knew that we had already been in touch with them and they offered us their services. I decided that I had to contact them, no matter what it took. Some time after that the phone rang and when I answered it was the company I was looking for! They said they thought to give us a ring in case we needed something from them.

Another occasion was on Mother's Day. I had actually forgotten all about it. I thought I had to ring a friend of mine for her birthday. The day happened to be the same, but as I had forgotten about Mother's Day, I didn't realize that. I dialled (sic) my friend's number and after a few rings someone answered. "Hello?" "Mum?" I answered after a small comm lag. "Yay! You remembered it was Mother's Day! Thank you very much for calling!" I smoothly answered back: "Happy Mother's Day, Mum" and carried on talking to her. It wasn't until I put the phone down that I realized I had actually dialled (sic) her number.

no initials given




Example of a blatant Scientology lie:

So let me get this straight, a company that was trying to sell them something called and asked if this person's company needed anything? Wow! I've never heard of a sales person doing that before.

The Affirmation for Feburary 3rd, 2006

OT Perception

After my OT levels I was feeling very good about people and the MEST universe. On Saturday morning my husband went off to do the shopping, but was back in the flat twenty minutes later saying the car wouldn't start. He had tried everything to get it going, but with no success. He phoned several garages to get a mechanic to come out to see the car.

A mechanic finally arrived with a big truck to tow the car away. I looked at this whole situation and the complications it was getting into, and was just thinking, "There is nothing wrong with this car!" and feeling a lot of affinity for it, when I went to stand by the window, and to my surprise saw the truck leave without the car.

My husband came back a couple minutes later saying, "I just don't understand it! When the mechanic put the key in the car it started immediately!" I just laughed, happy that I could help without knowing anything about cars.

M.H.P.




Three new, recently ascertained, facts about Scientologists:

1. Scientologist women are married to extremely useless men

2. Scientologists don't know anything about cars.

3. Scientologists don't know the difference between a mechanic and a tow-truck driver.

Hunh... Even for scientological dribble, this one's hard to draw phoney worthless pseudo-inspiration from.

That chick really didn't apply herself. Tom Cruise would've turned the car into a jet.

A loooong (13,000+ words) story in the new RS that does a reasonable job looking at the mafia/occult approach Scientologists use.

http://www.rollingstone.com/news/story/ ... cientology

really creepy, man. weird side note - one summer my friends and I (about 18 years old) were driving around in my friend's firebird. we used to always wonder about this weird building up on this hill in the middle of nowhwere between portland and the beach. we drove up there and my friend went in - turns out it was a school. the person there at the desk gave him a short tour. he said it was extremely creepy in there. he was wearing a crazy wig, a hawaiian shirt, and sunglasses and is a huge guy so he probably got a lot of weird looks. in reading this article, turns out that was the Delphian School - one of these scientology schools.

A long and highly uninformative article, at least for the length...

You pay, they believe in aliens (or thetans) some people don't like it, Scientologists try hard to discredit them.

I can't believe I read that whole thing.

The Affirmation for March 10, 2006

Life In The Fast Lane

Some years ago my husband (an original OT VIII) and I (on OT VIA at the time) were at Flag together and we took a walk one night. There is a fast curving road that goes along the water for a short way not far from Flag. People drive along it fast because it's downhill and fun. There's a stone wall about knee height and a very big old oak tree at the outside bend.

As we were walking along, a couple of guys in an open sports car came screaming down the hill, and as they turned the curve they lost it, the car went into a skid and was heading straight for the stone retaining wall and the tree, totally out of control. My husband and I had the same thought together - we just reached out theta-wise and spun the car. It spun round twice in the middle of the road and stopped. There was no traffic as it was late at night.

We turned to each other laughing, and my husband said, "Boy, the people around here have no idea how beneficial we are to the area!" The two guys looked a bit shocked but turned the car back onto its proper heading and drove off, never realising we had just saved both their lives, the car, and a whole lot of damage to a beautiful old tree.

D.D.


Perfect example of unintentional Scientologist humor:

"theta-wise"

I refuse to accept that people actually believe this stuff. They're making it up and laughing the whole time.

Right?

right?

oh man, i lovelovelove scientology. i find it so fascinating that millions of people believe this science fiction religion! i don't have time to read the whole thread right now, but it's on my list of shit to do this afternoon.

it's well worth the time.

heres an irreverant and easy to understand pictoral guide to the history of scientology. caution, its a pdf file.

Wait... the L in L. Ron stands for Lafagette?!?

This explains SO much.

oh man, "L" stands for "Lafagette."

You shall be banished.

jinx on a fagette! 1 2 3 4 5...