REMINDER: The trading deadline is THIS Friday. Shit or get off the pot, folks.
WARNING: I am currently lacking the funny.
League 1
Knights Who Say Ni 102.62
El Nacho de Muerte 57.30
The past two weeks, the Knight's front office has been working around the clock to find the best available players, and it seems to have paid off. The connection between new finds Jake Delhomme (303 yards, 3 TD) and Mushin Muhammad was a strong one this week, and Pittsburgh's defense also contributed for the Knights. Considering none of the other starts didn't see the endzone and the absence of Drew Brees and Randy Moss, things may bode well for coach Sketch as he maintains a share of the league lead. Coach nacho, on the other hand, falls into a big mess in the second half of the standing. While starting Brett Favre and Corey Dillon would have helped his total points a bit, he's stuck at 4-6 despite solid special teams play from Adam Vinatieri (5 FG, 2 PAT) and Philadelphia's defense. "Yep, nothing like leaving all your points on the bench!" commented coach nacho after the game. At two games away from a playoff spot, it will prove to be a tough climb over the next few weeks.
Fast-Paced Ruralites 96.28
Schadenfreude 75.34
All coach Husker needed was a decent performance from Terrell Owens to come away with a win and season sweep of coach joy. What he got was a great performance, and the Ruralities maintain a share of first place and the total points lead. Solid plays in the skill position with Reggie Wayne (33 yards, 1 TD) being the only starter under 100 yards. With LT and Rueben Droughns on bye, things may only get better for coach Husker going into the playoffs. While coach joy's playoff hopes are by no means lost, this week proves to be a setback. Solid performances from Duece McAllister (127 yards, 1 TD) and Jimmy Smith led the way, but nobody else outside Trent Green (311 yards, 1 TD, 2 INT) had that much to speak of. Most of the players on this roster have shown some brilliance throughout the season, so we'll see if coach joy can get this clicking this week
the andalusian dawgs 78.18
The Mendoza Line 72.96
In the end, this game came down to teamwork. Michael Clayton (90 yards, 1 TD), Rudi Johnson (102 yards, 1 TD), Derrick Mason (91 yards, 1 TD), and Marshall Faulk (160 total yards) all turned in good performances for coach bitterbuffalo, and it was enough for the dawgs' second win in a row. This not only keeps the dawgs out of the cellar but within one game of .500, which is exactly where the Mendoza Line are after the loss. Despite a great performance from Dominic Davis (152 total yards, 2 rushing TD) and solid games from Aaron Brooks (259 passing yards, 2 total TD) and Ahman Green, the lack of a receiving game and special teams play hurt coach jericho in the end. Fortunately, they are at the top of the 4-6 heap in total points, so they have the best chance of breaking into a playoff spot. However, since the Knights are the only team in the top half with fewer points, it will certainly be a challenge.
Smokin' With Ricky 90.40
Silver Hammers 90.34
File Under: No Fucking Way. Worst beats (tied for) first AGAIN. Coach Max may have been enjoying the early season dominance so much that he could be totally demoralized after his third straight loss. He's been destroyed, and he's lost by the slimmest of margins. Despite a spectacular game by backp Derrick Blaylock (226 total yards, 1 TD) and solid performances from Kevan Barlow and the New England defense, the Hammers just didn't get it done this week. Much of this was largely in part to Coach Gibbs' running yardage (Taylor: 162 total yds, Portis: 115 total yards) and kicking game. The difference in the end was, of course, Donovan McNabb. After lighting it up on Monday Night, Donnie Mac and GM Billz lit one up of their own in celebration. Excellent.
elephantstoners 72.00
Team Pinoy 111.52
Most championship coaches can maintain some semblance of humor, and coach j is certainly no exception: "i'm soooooooooo glad i decided to start donald driver and anthony thomas over brandon stokley and emmit smith. nice move. nice." What coach j might have overlooked is that even with Stokley (132 yards, 2 TD) and Smith in the starting lineup we would have still lost. THAT's how good coach cthulu was this week. Daunte Culpepper, Joe Horn (167 yards, 1 TD), Curtis Martin, Brian Westbrook... are you kidding me? Even with Larry Fitzgerald's 2 whole receiving yards, it was enough to win the week. The win gives Team Pinoy holding in the fourth playoff spot (and a tie with the Hammers) and puts the elephanstoners as the only 5-5 team in the league, well within playoff contention.
League 2
The Round Table 109.70
timmyjoe42er's 102.82
Things looked bleak for coach Sketch going into Monday night. Despite stellar games from New England special teams and recent pickup Mushin Muhammad (123 yards, 3 TD), an absent Thomas Jones and virtually absent Marvin Harrison (22 yards) meant that the Table had quite a deficit going into Monday night. It was all up to Donovan McNabb. Four touchdowns and 345 yards later, the Table finds themselves victorious, in sole possession of first place, and the total points leader. Coach Sketch hadn't given himself much time to process the win before speaking to reporters: "teeehhehhhheeeeeehehheheheheheeeHEHEHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHH!!!!!!" As impressive as McNabb's performance was, timmyjoe42er quaterback Daunte Culpepper outhrew him by 18 yards with as many touchdowns. Combined with Tiki Barber (163 total yards, 1 rushing TD) and Nate Burleson (152 total yards, 1 receiving TD), Coach Tim turned in one of the strongest performances in the loss. "Yeah, it's tough. I'm still kicking myself for starting (Nate) Kaeding on his bye week." While the press appreciated the pun, they emphasized that starting Mike Vanderjagt (7 PAT, 1 missed FG) would not have made the difference in this game. Starting Jerome Bettis over Jamal Lewis, however, is another story entirely. "Damn hindsight."
thorax embalmers 75.34
POstMershian Invader 83.88
While closer than most expected, this game proved to be very predictable. Coach jagged's team had a fair performance led by Brett Favre (236 yards, 4 TD) and Shaun Alexander (176 rushing yards). Though fumbles from Alexander and Keary Colbert didn't help the embalmers much, one can't help that Kevan Barlow (2 rushing TD) would have made the difference in this game. Meanwhile, coach Postmersh stays on the playoff track with a win today. Pittsburgh's defense were definitely the brighest star along with a rushing attack of Emmit Smith (2 TD) and Ahman Green (145 yards). Torry Holt's injury is something to watch here, but if Jimmy Smith's performance off the bench (109 yards, 1 TD) is any indicator the Invasion should keep on rolling.
The Keppersofts v2.0 77.66
The Unbaited Vicars 107.04
Another Monday Night game for the eagles, another come from behind victory for the Abbey. Assistant coaches were seen blessing Terrell Owens' (134 yards, 3 TD) shoes after the game. "Yes, we all have our gifts," philosophized coach Spade "but (David) Akers and the defense also kept the morale going for us to win. Oh, how blessed we are this day... and thank God (Dominic) Davis decided to show up!!!" With the win, the Vicars put themselves in position for a playoff spot ahead of the other .500 teams. With consistent play throughout the rest of the regular season, they should be in the thick of things. As for coach Bateman, he seems to be hoping for another win or two out of posterity after his tirade of trash talk Sunday evening. While Curtis Martin (119 yards, 2 TD) seems to have returned to form. There isn't much to speak of here: nobody else saw the endzone, and only Isaac Bruce managed 100+ yards from scrimmage. "Yeah, well at least he sucks worse than me. Two-and-a-half points, biotch!" coach jagged taunted.
TheCrazy88 82.66
McNabb's Nads 96.80
More often than not, coach OPA finds a way to win ballgames. "What! You just noticed that? I've been talking about this all season. You guys are idiots!" coach OPA preached during the post-game conference. Peyton Manning (320 yards, 5 TD) was the big factor today, and everything was enough to fall into place despite starting the wrong Colts receiver. The rushing attack of Corey Dillon (151 yards) and Brian Westbrook (118 total yards, 1 TD) provided additional support for the Nads. With the win, coach OPA stays within one game of first place. Coach Heartscooksbrain, however, will need to work a bit in order to get that playoff spot. While the return of Antonio Gates next week should help, his team needs to re-focus on getting into the end zone. "Yeah, Ben (Roethlisberger) had an off-game (134 yards, 1 INT). Joe (Horn) and Deuce (McAllister) did alright I guess, and actually this is a better than average game for us. I'm not sure if average will cut it anymore."
Phat Ass Nutsack 93.78
The Yoko Ono's 46.42
Also performing better than average this week was the Sack. And for them, that's pretty damn good. The surprise superstar was the Chicago defense (3 sacks, 1 INT, 2 fumbles, 1 defensive TD, 1 safter, 1 return TD). Josh Brown (4 FG, 2 from 40+) also contributed well on special teams. Most of the skill positions did enough to get them over the top and stay in the thick of the playoff race. Meanwhile, coach lockstock complicated his playoff chances in nearly every way possible. Tom Brady (233 yards, 2 TD, 1 INT) was the brightest spot for this team, and he wasn't even that great. No 100 yard performances. No skill position touchdowns. It's hard to win. The Ono's did not take questions after the game as apparently the locker room was in a state not appropriate for visitors. Perhaps a punching bag would help the frustrated club relieve some tension...
Code:
League 1
1 Fast-Paced Ruralites 7-3-0 .700 881.26 W-3
2 Knights Who Say Ni 7-3-0 .700 730.68 W-2
3 Silver Hammers 6-4-0 .600 840.56 L-3
4 Team Pinoy 6-4-0 .600 800.86 W-1
5 elephantstoners 5-5-0 .500 809.00 L-1
6 The Mendoza Line 4-6-0 .400 761.50 L-3
7 Schadenfreude 4-6-0 .400 747.72 L-1
8 El Nacho de Muerte 4-6-0 .400 733.64 L-2
9 the andalusian dawgs 4-6-0 .400 653.48 W-2
10 Smokin' With Ricky 3-7-0 .300 724.22 W-1
League 2
1 The Round Table 8-2-0 .800 889.68 W-2
2 McNabb's Nads 7-3-0 .700 757.80 W-1
3 POstMershian Invader 6-4-0 .600 849.96 W-1
4 The Unbaited Vicars 5-5-0 .500 827.74 W-2
5 timmyjoe42er's 5-5-0 .500 812.20 L-1
6 Phat Ass Nutsack 5-5-0 .500 800.54 W-1
7 TheCrazy88 4-6-0 .400 737.00 L-1
8 The Yoko Ono's 4-6-0 .400 698.34 L-2
9 thorax embalmers 3-7-0 .300 746.82 L-2
10 The Keppersofts v2.0 3-7-0 .300 743.28 L-1
Week 10 All-Stars:
QB: Daunte Culpepper
RB: Derrick Blaylock, Dominic Davis
WR: Terrell Owens, Mushin Muhammad, Brandon Stokley
K: Adam Vinatieri
DEF: Chicago, Indianapolis
Season All-Stars:
QB: Peyton Manning
RB: Tiki Barber, Priest Holmes
WR: Terrell Owens, Javon Walker, Joe Horn
K: Adam Vinatieri
DEF: Baltimore
